Q: I’m in my third year as an elementary school principal in a small town, and a kindergarten teacher on my staff (let’s call her Charlene) has been there forever. Charlene is a real institution. She often finds herself teaching her former students’ children. She’s been around for several generations, and she sees herself as the keeper of tradition. When anyone new joins the staff, she takes them under her wing. She tells them who they should and shouldn’t trust, and what rules they should and shouldn’t follow. (Anything that I suggest seems to be a rule to ignore). Charlene also pits parents against me by telling them that I’m changing all the wrong things. At first, I tried to predict how Charlene would react to my ideas, but I’ve given up. It doesn’t matter if I add or subtract a recess period, incorporate more technology, or change permission slip protocols. She doesn’t like anything I do. There’s no rhyme or reason to her complaints, other than “change equals bad.” I’ve tried ignoring her and doing my thing, but that seems to backfire. She only doubles down on her position behind the scenes, which leads parents and teachers to question me even more. Then, if I succumb to pressure to back down, she gets to be the “savior.” It’s hard to address this problem head-on because I get most of my information second-hand. Several teachers have told me confidentially that she’s talking about me behind my back. How can I change this toxic dynamic without alienating my school community? In a town where people often proudly trace their lineage back hundreds of years, I’ll probably always be the “new guy.”
A: If ignoring Charlene isn’t working, why not try enlisting her help? She sounds like someone who needs to feel relevant, valued, and respected. Being the longstanding, beloved teacher clearly is a huge part of her identity. Acknowledge her unofficial role as the “keeper of tradition.” This isn’t about handing over your decision-making power; it’s about tapping into her background knowledge so she’ll be more inclined to back you up. Ask her to share the history of the school and the community. Preview your thinking and ask her to help you anticipate potential challenges. Consider the possibility that her involvement could be a plus, particularly if she ends up saving you from making mistakes. Listen carefully to what she has to say and reflect back on what you heard. Be sure to highlight her positive impact on the school; stay calm if she pushes your buttons; don’t make any promises you can’t keep; and always thank her for her help. The goal is to foster collaboration and cooperation rather than mistrust. You want her to feel empowered and included.
Be solution-oriented, too. If you disagree about a specific change, such as a tweak to the schedule, ask her to explain her thinking. Maybe she’s worried, for instance, that older students will have to traipse loudly past her classroom during kindergarteners’ rest time. Even if you can’t accommodate all of her wishes, you might be able to make small adjustments that could allay some of her concerns (and show her that you’re trying). Acknowledge and express appreciation for any small effort she makes to be flexible, and circle back afterward to see how things are going.
There’s less you can do about her tendency to gossip behind your back. When other teachers complain to you about her toxicity, you can help them come up with ways to respectfully alter the tone of the conversation. For example, they could say something like, “That sounds frustrating; have you talked to him about that?” Or “It sounds like you’re worried he hasn’t considered all the possible negative repercussions of his decision. What do you think might work better? Have you shared that with him?” You also could ask these teachers for permission to approach Charlene without violating their confidentiality. You could say, “I’ve heard from a few teachers that you’re concerned about some of my decisions. Please know that I welcome your feedback and always prefer to address teachers’ concerns directly.”
I’m sure it’s frustrating to feel like you have to prove your competence and commitment to your community’s well-being. But as a newcomer in a small, tight-knit community, you likely need allies. To foster others’ sense of ownership, consider inviting teachers, members of the parents’ association, and other stakeholders to join task forces or committees dedicated to different issues. In that collaborative environment, highlight your shared goals and willingness to compromise. As a wise principal once told me, people are less likely to tear down structures they helped create.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Phyllis L. Fagell
PHYLLIS L. FAGELL is the school counselor at Landon School in Washington, D.C., a therapist at the Chrysalis Group in Bethesda, Md., and the author of the Career Confidential blog. She is also the author of Middle School Matters and Middle School Superpowers, available at https://amzn.to/3Pw0pcu.
